The Voyage Begins, and so does the Second Breakdown...

As far as culture shock in a European country goes, I think the best advice I can give someone is that IT WILL HAPPEN. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, or how long you've been there- eventually, at some point, it will happen to you. Bad news? Not necessarily. Academically speaking, it is a learning experience first off. Second, it gives you an opportunity to seek God in that place. The lie that I was able to destroy was this: "God doesn't exist in (such a such place or) France!". As the French say (although not necessarily on this subject) Pas de tout! (Not at all!) --Sidenote: That is actually what my French History teacher screams at us when we make any sort of mistake, of course after laughing at and mocking the error for at least a minute and a half...
Anyhow, the truth of the matter is, God is in fact EVERYWHERE. And it isn't a matter of looking for Him. (A good friend of mine said once that one of his favourite stereotypical statements from Christians is "I found Jesus!" to which he said, "Was He lost?") We seek God. We don't look for Him. Looking for something is what you do when it doesn't know where it is. God is pretty darn sure of where He is, let me tell you that. The French see the difference in this: When I walk into a vegetable store here looking for, say, some tomatoes, I would say, "Je cherche des tomates" Which literally means, "I seek the tomatoes" What is the difference, then? To seek something is to go in search of something that we believe to already be there. I know when I walk into that marchet that they are going to have tomatoes. All of them do! Webster's Dictionary® defines the verb to seek as "to go to". So let's go to God.
My point in this little linguistic lesson (which may or may not have made sense because not only is it 2h, but also very difficult to explain in English=a very tricky language) is that we shouldn't go looking for God. That requires so much more effort than He has intended for there to be. Why? Because He is right here! We don't need to go looking for Him- HE ISN'T LOST! Just call to Him, and He will answer. Jeramiah 33:3-- 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' We know He's there!!!! Matthew 7:7-- '...seek and ye shall find...' If you [Webster's®] GO TO God, you will find Him.

Alors, je veux vous dire ça à sujet de "culture shock": There are a lot of times when I feel like God doesn't exist in this city. I had the most spiritually fulfilling day: the weather was beautiful, I ate well, I had good times in class and with friends, I got some wonderful news from someone back home. Well, I was absolutely praising Him. I was so sure He was walking right by my side and pulling me up and up and up to have the best day. Donc, I pulled out my guitar and worshipped for a while, until someone knocked on my door to quiet me down. Curfew. That was my first let down. I felt a little crushed inside, honnêtement... so I moved on to do some homework and decided to move down to the kitchen for some tea. I ran across the group of guys (they aren't even French) who seem to get a kick out of making fun of my accent. I then got a rather odd response from one of my new French friends about something I had done that, in America, would be seen as friendly, but apparently here, its seen otherwise. I was pretty fried by that point (at which I was crying right there in the kitchen) and went upstairs and attempted to call any of my friends that could possibly console me.
My advice? The best way to deal with culture shock is this: expect it. Know that it will come, and be okay with it. Be okay that you're different. And when you find out that you are, go seek God and have Him remind you a million times over that you were made that way, and that He is only putting you in these situations to grow you. After all, flowers always bloom after a storm...

A week gone by...

Well, I've been here for a week, but it honestly feels like I've been here for a really long time. That doesn't mean, however, that it feels like home... Paris is wonderful, of course, but things get lonely and hard sometimes. remember how frustrated i was about where I was living? Well God definitely has me here for a reason.... not only am I very comfortable in my room (I have more space than I need) but the French people are really nice. I am kind of getting a feel for how they live their lives, etc.... its good. i spend most nights in the student kitchen meeting other french students, as i said above. that is a lot of fun becaus generally they are very nice.

God definitely walks wityh me everywhere I go though. I can really see him in the homeless people here. there are a LOT of homeless people... a lot more than I ever knew, actually. It is impossible to give money to all of them, just like it is in richmond or new york or anywhere else, but I just let the Lord lead me to do whatever. The other day I was walking into the subway and I saw and oold woman begging for money... I had a half a sandwich with mem that I was definitely not going to eat... as I passed her, I handed her the sandwichand ran down the stairs because my train was coming. Right as I was about to get on the train I could feel God saying... that wasn't enough Kimberly.... that filled her stomach, but her soul? So I turned back and went to go talk to her. It turned out she didn't speak French, but I think just the fact that I went back showed her something. When I left her the second time, I crossed myself and held up my hand so she could see that I was Christian and I was trying to say "God bless you" she crossed herself too. I think she got it. Another time I stopped and gave a woman a few centimes, and I asked her if she knew God... we talked for a litle bit although she was hard to understand.
For right now, I am allowing myself to settle into the city and my life here before I attempt to give myself to others. I am trying to develop a better grasp of the language (my French is SO much better than it was when I arrived here a week ago- already.) When you share the Gospel with people in a foreign place, you need to share it in their language. So I am working on that- studying the language so I can bring the Good News in their language.
I have met some wonderful people from the Hillsong Paris church. I went there for the first time Friday night, and as soon as I walked in (I got lost first, of course) I began weeping-- I felt more at home than I had in a week. It was wonderful. I've begun to spend time with people from the church, and they are absolutely amazing and so much fun. God has truly blessed me with them, and I praise Him for that.
I think what I will ask you to pray for right now is for the homeless of the city. they are the ones who have been sticking out to me the most as the spiritually needy and dry. Please pray that those who already have faith may continue despite their conditions, and that the Lord will bless them in ways that may not be what we consider comfortable, but to be what they need . And for those who do not know Him, please pray that they may be sought out by people who are believers so they can bring the Good News to them. Pray that I have the discernment to speak and the gift of fluent language to communicate.
Thank you so much, and as always, I praise God for you, miss you, and love you all.

The Countdown Begins...and so does the first breakdown.

Well, its 3 days before I leave. I am doing really well packing and preparing, considering my usual pattern is to wait until the night before I leave to even think about dragging out a suitcase. I've got everything, right down to my international driver's license.

But tonight it hit me that I'm leaving in 3 days. but it's really less than that because my family is coming over on Sunday for a (literal) bon voyage party. So between that and church, Sunday is gone. I'm spending tomorrow night with my parents and sister, so that cuts out half the day. When you count the amount of time I will be sleeping tomorrow, we might as well get rid of Saturday too. Which means I am leaving in about 5 hours.

That math went through my head in about 2 seconds about an hour ago, thus causing my mindset to be "I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!" so I lied on my mom's bed crying and telling her how selfish I felt for wanting to go on this trip in the first place, how sorry I was if it was causing any trouble, and how much I really wish I could either just move there or not go at all.

See, when I decided to go to France, I didn't pray about it, or even ask God His opinion. In some respects it was a very self-centered decision, but at the same time, it was in rather bizarre circumstances as well because I have always had an incredible passion for my "native" Italy. All of a sudden, however, something moved in me to be in Paris. I struggled through the financial to-dos and slowly began to feel guilty about spending so much money all for myself. Without Christ, I am NOT worth the cost of this trip!!

Well, God rescued me from this guilt at Urbana (also another place that I decided to go without knowing why) when He sent me to a whole bunch of seminars that showed me how incredibly spiritually dry Europe, and especially France, is. At one point, I don't even remember exactly when it was, during the conference, the Lord told me that He had something amazing for me to do in Paris, and that He was going to do something through me.

It gets even better... last week at church the pastor did a talk on money. Spending and giving. Not only did this sermon lead me to have a very special conversation with a friend, but it also spoke to me about this trip. My original intentions for this trip may have been for myself, but I can easily use that to advance God's kingdom. I alone am NOT worth the cost of this trip, but a single soul in Europe, the Kingdom of God, and my Lord Jesus Christ most certainly are.

I hope this made some sort of sense... I've actually been packing and doing things today, which is a new and foreign thing to me. I'm also getting my last dose of American Late Night TV before I leave... I am going to miss my Conan! Please, add your comments.

Please be praying for my flight on Monday night, and for the strength of my family (especially my mother). Also, for the safety of the other students who are travelling.

I love you all so much, I remember you in my prayers and thank God for you!!!

Rejecting God's Will?

So I got my housing assignment today, and was incredibly enraged that I was placed in a dorm instead of an apartment like I requested. When I found out, I was sitting in a classroom full of eighth graders, so I had to control myself. I was so confused. I am paying so much money and have gone through so much trouble to get something I didn't even want in the first place? I was so frustrated, and so incredibly mad at God. All of a sudden, my dream of living an in auberge in France in complete independence... I went to work, and gradually felt the power of people praying for me. Work was incredibly slow, which gave me the opportunity to think about what God's will for me might really be in tihs trip. I have been saying that my goal to go is ministry and to spread the Gospel... shouldn't I be leaving it up to God to put me where he needs me?

Oh, but it is so hard.

When I got home, I began to rant again to my father about what had happened, and I got mad all over again. I decided I was going to fight this thing tooth and nail until I got what I wanted. I was going on and on about how stupid the whole situation was, and then I said "I know I wanted to go to witness to people and spread the Gospel, but I just didn't think it would come at such a cost..." I stopped dead in my speech. Did I really just see that? Had I been that blind for the past eight hours? My dad chuckled. "I think I just heard a lightbulb go on," he said. More like a bush being set on fire!!! All I could see was Jesus, hanging there on the cross, bloody, battered and torn. What did it cost him to save all of us? If I could 'save' (through Jesus Christ) every single soul in that dorm, or even one, through living there, wouldn't it be worth it?

Yeah. I think it would.

It is going to be hard. I'm not excited about my living quarters, and I would much rather have it another way. But I can't imagine the carnate man in Jesus was too thrilled about what he had to go through. Thats why he spent so much time praying in Gethsemane. So, I will find a Gethsemane to pray in whenever I need to. I WILL LIVE AMONG THE SPIRITUALLY IMPOVERISHED (the European students), where God has placed me.

I am needing your prayers more than ever. This spiritual attack was so incredibly unexpected, and even though it created a very painful day, will generate some beautiful blessings.

HERE I AM LORD
IS IT I, LORD?
I HAVE HEARD YOU CALLING IN THE NIGHT.
I WILL GO, LORD
IF YOU LEAD ME.
I WILL HOLD YOUR PEOPLE IN MY HEART.

Wonderful News!!!!!!!

I have some wonderful news: After much searching, I finally found a GOLDMINE of French worship/praise music!!! There is pretty much any genre you could ever want, and there are over 100 Mp3 files you can download for FREE!!! Praise the Lord that there is music for le monde francophonie to praise Him!!! This is the site:

http://www.louange.org/page/mp3.php

For the artists that there are only one or two songs from their album, I believe you can click on their name and get more info on him or her. Or, you could just go to http://www.google.fr and search (recherche-- not j'ai de la chance) for the Artist's name, and you might be able to order his or her album.

Praise Jesus for music in every tongue!!!

Bienvenu....

Alors, j'ai fait ce qui je disais que je ne ferai pas jamais.... faire un "Blog" (Well, I've done just what I said I would never do...create a "Blog")
After much consideration, I've decided this will be the best way to keep everyone updated as to what is going on in my brand new (brand new to me... apparently its pretty old over there) Parisian world.
The nice thing about using a blog will be that we can chat and discuss things together (everyone- tout le monde) without cramming each other's inboxes with all of those lovely "reply to all" emails that so many of us just end up deleting anyway.... (no... I don't do that...)
Don't worry, most of the posts will be in English.... if not, consult your resident Frenchman/woman. (Most of you have one, suprisingly enough...)
Let me know if you want to communicate in a different way...
I love you all, and am already missing you, even though I am still here at home.